Email Attachments: May 2006

Calvins Dad

Dad's responses to Calvin were one of the funniest continuing themes in Calvin and Hobbes. Amazingly, some readers complained to Watterson, saying that Calvin's Dad was "Too sarcastic"! I think we're all glad Watterson didn't listen to them.

C: Why does ice float?
D: Because it's cold. Ice wants to get warm, so it goes to the top of liquids to be nearer to the sun.
C: Is that true?
D: Look it up and find out.
C: I should just look up stuff in the first place.

C: Why do my eyes shut when I sneeze?
D: If your lids weren't closed, the force of the explosion would blow your eyeballs out and stretch the optic nerve, so your eyes would flop around and you'd have to point them with your hands to see anything.

C: Dad, will you explain the theory of relativity to me? I don't understand why time goes slower at great speed.
D: It's because you keep changing time zones. See, if you fly to California, you gain three hours on a five-hour flight, right? So if you go at the speed of light, you gain more time, because it doesn't take as long to get there. Of course, the theory of relativity only works if you're going west.

C: How come old photographs are always black and white? Didn't they have color film back then?
D: Sure they did. In fact, those old photographs are in color. It's just that the world was black and white then. The world didn't turn color until sometime in the 1930s, and it was pretty grainy color for a while, too.

C: But then why are old paintings in color?! If the world was black and white, wouldn't artists have painted it that way?

D: Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane.
C: But... But how could they have painted in color anyway? Wouldn't their paints have been shades of gray back then?
D: Of course, but they turned colors like everything else did in the '30s.
C: So why didn't old black and white photos turn color too?
D: Because they were color pictures of black and white, remember?

C: Why does the sun set?
D: It's because hot air rises. The sun's hot in the middle of the day, so it rises high in the sky. In the evening then, it cools down and sets.
C: Why does it go from east to west?
D: Solar wind.

C: Why does the sky turn red as the sun sets?
D: That's all the oxygen in the atmosphere catching fire.
C: Where does the sun go when it sets?
D:The sun sets in the west. In Arizona actually, near Flagstaff. That's why the rocks there are so red.
C: Don't the people get burned up?
D: No, the sun goes out as it sets. That's why it's dark at night.
C: Doesn't the sun crush the whole state as it lands?
D: Ha ha, of course not. Hold a quarter up. See, the sun's just about the same size.
C: I thought I read that the sun was really big.
D: You can't believe everything you read, I'm afraid.
C: So how does the sun rise in the East if it lands in Arizona every night?
D:Well, time for bed.

C: What causes the wind?
D: Trees sneezing.

C: Dad, where do babies come from? Is it true that a stork leaves them swaddled in a bundle on the front step?
D: In most cases, yes. But you were unceremoniously dropped down the chimney by a big, hairy pterodactyl
C: COOL!
D: Explains a lot, doesn't it?

C: How do bank machines work?
D: Well, let's say you want 25 dollars. You punch in the amount and behind the machine there's a guy with a printing press who makes the money and sticks it out this slot.
C: Sort of like the guy who lives up in our garage and opens the door?
D: Exactly.

C: Were there dinosaurs when you were a kid dad?
D: Oh sure, your grandfather and I used to put on leopard skins and hunt brontosaurus for all the rituals.
Mom (to Dad): Listen buster, I think Calvin's grades are bad enough all ready, don't you?

C: How come you know so much?
D: It's all in the book you get when you become a father

Before it is too late

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other
students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each
name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about
each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment,
and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a
separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that
individual..

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the
entire class was smiling.. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that
I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so
much," were most of the comments..

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if
they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't
matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy
with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and his
teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never
seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so
mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him
took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless
the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up
to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes."
Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."



After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a
luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to
speak with his teacher.

"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out
of his pocket.. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought
you might recognize it."



Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook
paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times..
The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which
she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said
about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can
see, Mark treasured it."

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie
smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top
drawer of my desk at home."
Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary."

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out
her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry
this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash,
she continued: "I think we all saved our lists."

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark
and for all his friends who would never see him again..

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life
will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special
and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

Apple's New Stuff

Road Wreck

This will break your heart...
Gut Wrenching. A friend sent this photo of a horrible highway accident in Germany. The picture may be kind of hard to take for some of you.
If you look closely you can see what appear to be some survivors of the accident still in the wreckage. Although the picture is quite graphic, it makes you realize how quickly our loved ones can be taken from us.
My friend stayed on the scene to help and even though he performed mouth to mouth on quite a few of them, none apparently survived.

Problem

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.
So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response so; He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?";;;;"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Moral of the story:
The problem may not be with the other one as we always think, could be very much within us..!