75 Bands

Jungle Safari

Threes stages of a mans life.

Fairy Tale

First known Photo of Micheal Phelps

Difference between girls 8 18 28 38 48 58

Difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?

You know what is the difference between girls aged : 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.












At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
















At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.












At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.























At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.



















At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.












At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!

Viagra Ad

Running Rabbit

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles
upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says,
"Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through
the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks
at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the
rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again
says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your
health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see,
you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor,
mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit
and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up... "Lion
my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! ... Come
running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The
lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit
out of the little rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror,
they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? ... He was
merely trying to help us all!"

The lion answers, "That little f**ker! He makes me run around the
forest like an idiot for hours whenever he does ecstasy!"

Kamasutra for IT Guys

Tarzan

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to
him,and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had
sex?

"Tarzan not know sex" he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said "Oh, Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show
you how to do it properly." She took off her clothing and lay down on
the ground. Here" she said, pointing to her privates, "you must put it
in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood,
stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed "What did you do that for?"

Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel."

Why is Pokemon so happy

Diet Control

Texas Flood

Texas Flood Destroys President Bush's Library

Crawford, Texas -- A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal
library of President Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom
where both of the books were kept.

Both books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the president was
devastated, since he was almost finished coloring the second one.

The White House tried to call FEMA, but there was no answer

Ananconda vs Buffalo

A perfect hiding place for the predator .. wow

Help Finally Arrives in the Flooded Areas in UK

The answer to the greatest mystery - Who came first : Chicken or Egg?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against

the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The

egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says,

"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

If anyone needs it explained - read it a second time

Post it

Gurmukh and Bush !!!

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next
when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from
Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab. I am ringing to inform you that
we are ophicially declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big
is your army"

"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is
myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Harjit, and the whole
kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight of us"

Bush paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in
my army waiting to move on my command."

"Arrey O, main kya.. ," said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

"Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is
still on! We have managed to get some more inphantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh," Bush asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Harjit's tractor."

Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2
million since we last spoke."

"Oh teri ...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne...... We've modified Harjit's tractor by adding a couple of
shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass
boys from Malpur have also joined us as."

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My
military complex is surrounded by laser-equiped, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

"Kiddan, Mr. Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off
the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart,"
may I ask?

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of
lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of
war!

21 Things Common to all Indian Engg.. College

1) The lecturers dont teach.The students dont study.

2)The only guy who benefits is the one who owns the 'dhaba' next to the college.

3)Rules are made to be broken.

4)Promises are made to be broken.

5)Deadlines are made to be extended...ALWAYS!

6)Guys always think the chics in the college next lane are more beautiful.

7)The geeks are the most pampered lot during the internal exams.

8)The lab assistants are the most respected people(during the lab exams i.e)

9)The watchmen are the people most bribed.

10)The HOD is the person most respected(heights of sycophancy here).

11)The principal is the person most abused and insulted(behind the back i.e)

12)Dropping subjects is 'cool'.(arre yaar..drop the idea of dropping subjects plzz).

13)There is always a lecturer in the college who cant speak proper 'english'.

14)Night-out is the second most important tool to ace the exams.

15)All time u will be in debate with students of other branch as their branch is d BEST.

16)The most important tool..the bhramastra.. is the 'chit' in which the words can be understood only by the person who wrote them(in most of the cases i.e)

17)The freshers are the most sought after..be it in the canteen,the 'free' periods or for completing the records,assignments .

18)One has to live in constant fear of a DROP all through the engg carrier as according to new revised stringent RULES any thing can happen to ANYONE.(KISI KO KUCH BHI HO SAKTA HAI) .

19)The second-years are the ones with the 'I am the don-of-the-college' feeling iff one not has MECHANICS KT of 1st sem.....( BAP of all papers of ENGG).

20)The third years are the ones with the 'so-many-backlogs' feeling and the poor souls get down to studying after bossing around in the college for so long but the fun still continues.

21)The fourth years have no connection with the college whatsoever...with no interest in ragging,pulling each other`s legs.

4 liquid stages of life

Golden Telephone

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to china.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in japan. There, at a very large
cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

"O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to pakistan, srilanka, russia, Germany and France.

In every church he saw the same golden telephone
with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to see if Indians had the same phone.

He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, son - it's a local call".

Embarassing Situation

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman
sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask
her,
"Er... excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"

She responds in a loud voice :
"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them. The young man is
surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.
After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes,
and says, "You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm
studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

The young man responds loudly with,
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THREE THOUSAND RUPEES.
THATS TOO MUCH !"

Innocent Political Jokes

The Prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after
the attack on the Pentagon:
"I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in
case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of
everything."


Musharraf calls Bush on 11th Sept:
Musharraf: Mr. President, I would like to express my condolences to
you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings... I would
like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that........
Bush: What tragedy? What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!


Manmohan Singh and Bush are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Manmohan
Singh?"
The barman says "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says,
"Hello, what are you guys doing?"
Bush says, "We're planning world war 3".
The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Manmohan Singh says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis
and one bicycle repairman."
And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!"
Manmohan Singh turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would
worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"

Funda

A conference is a gathering of important people who individually can't do anything but together can decide that nothing can be done.

T-Shirts !!!!

Bedtime Poems for Big Kids

MARY had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb #$%!"

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

Creative Mechanics - Nuts and Bolts

Incredible India